Regulating the Game: Controlling YOUR dating world

Ever since we were little girls in the school yard, we always liked the bad boy. You know, the boy that pulled out hair and ran away. Since that day, we have gravitated to the bad boy. He is always hot looking, devilishly seductive, fun to look at, and super hot and irresistible. They always keep your blood pumping and the sexy is always good and interesting. But there is a bad side to all the fun. Bad boys are spreading the love to everybody! they make no apologies to their womanizing ways and they don't care who's hearts they stomp on in the end. So why are you STILL after them? what is it about a bad boy that makes you come back for more? and is this good or bad for you? Most women like the bad boy because subconsciously the bad boy represents what a masculine man should be. Long gone are the days of the type of man that is goes to hunt, fights for his family in sword fights and such, so our ideas have changed as to what a man really is and we have helplessly tu

Its been 5 years. You have the kids, the boyfriend and the home. Wait. YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!?!?!??!?! something is wrong in this equation. You are probably wondering how did you get there? well,  you made life too comfortable for him. He cares about you, but honestly, he will not marry you because there is no need too. you live together and have kids and he will not marry you because? well, he is leaving the possibility of something better coming along. Sorry, but that is the truth. Men marry you because, either they are scared to lose you or they don't want to die alone. But in both instances, they do love you. Your baby daddy has some love for you, but his has conditions and that is a problem. So I know what you are saying "well what the hell am I supposed to do!!!" Well, its a hard road between getting out of being a baby momma to wife. You can at least try. You need to throw little hints around the house. wedding magazine should be on the coffee table lol. Ask

When you first date, everything is soooo sweet, he picks you up on time, he takes you where you want to go, but then after like 2 dates. This fool ends up at your house, eating up alllll your food and you are so desperate to go out you start paying for dates and it comes to the point you have to fight with him to get up off your couch and do anything period! How did it come to this? and why are you putting up with it???? well as soon as the relationship begins you need to set ground rules from the jump and if he is bails early, don't fret! at least you know now you were dealing with a man instead of a boy. I know the economy is super bad right now. but sorry. we live in a wonderful country called America and there is no excuse for a man to not find a creative way to have a nice evening. There are discount sights that you can have 2 for 1 date. so there is nooooo excuse period! but aside from than. how much do you allow when you first meet a guy? do you give it up too soon? are

It has all happened to us. The good old dry spell. No matter how much we put ourselves out there, we cannot find a date or even get a man to look in our direction. Why does this happen you ask? there are several factors that can attribute to you being all on your lonesome: 1. facial expressions:  how do you look when you are walking around? do you have and soft inviting face? or do you have a scowl? Take into consideration how hard it is for a man to approach a woman. Your face may give him reason to veer away. 2. picking the wrong places to meet a guy: sorry, the club will not be the ideal place to meet a fella really. You would have better time finding a guy in the dark! You need to reevaluate the places you are looking for a man 3. Man Energy equals man response: I know it sounds hella silly. But don't you notice that when you are dating a man, other men come out of the woodwork! why is that? who knows? but since you have no man to begin with you need to have some of t

Sometimes we can stand in our own way when it comes to finding the right person to be in a relationship with. Some times we think in terms of "will he like me?" "am I good enough for him" when you should be saying, is he good enough for me!!there are so many deadly sins that women attempt and they have no idea that maybe they are the ones responsible for being alone. A lot of women say there are no good men, when in turn, there are good  men, But they keep looking for the BAD ones! accepting unacceptable behavior, doing things sexually that they feel uncomfortable with, Rewarding bad behavior and so on. Its not good to put yourself down (please look at my "why are you beating yourself up? post) go out of your way for a man that does not go out of his way for you and so on. Having a bad attitude and over bearing behavior, lack of femininity are many more bad qualities you may be harboring. You have to do some closet cleaning with your soul. How do you see you

It is a bad habit that people, especially women always put themselves down. And its not healthy to ones self image and well being. Do you realize that if you say things like "I'm fat" "I'm ugly" "I'm not as smart, hot, pretty as her" you are basically hypnotizing yourself to affirm the very things you say? if you really took the time to listen to each thought you have. You would be surprised to see how many of them are negative. At this time in your life, you might not be in the most lucrative job, you might be overweight, and you might feel less than. But you telling yourself this day in and day out is not the way to go! what progress are you gaining for yourself if you continue to say you are not the greatest and the best you can be! You have to be proactive. Its not a task for the weak, and no one says its going to be easy, but whatever you say about yourself, do the opposite. You don't feel pretty? Get a makeover. You hate your job?

Friends With Benefits or FWB as its called. Boy oh boy did men invent the best way to control and manipulate a woman. FWB means you are friends, but you have sex once in a while. But honestly it means you are just around for sex. till they get tired of you and want to move on. The man does not have to take you out, he does not have to have you around his friends, and if he wants to date a girl or disappear, Its okay cause you are only friends. Meanwhile he gets to take the time to confuse your head by having you over and maybe you going out once in a while. Well this is all wrong, either you are friends (meaning platonically) or you are together. And if a man tells you he is not ready for a relationship, you need to ask yourself how you are good enough to be screwed, but not good enough to commit to. This FWB invention is the best setup for men, they can have their cake and eat it too. No commitment, but they can have the panties at their will. And if they decide to actually date a g

In the realm of dating there is a certain timeline that one should follow so they are up on the game. For some of us, it may be too late, for most, we may be right on time. But here is how it goes 16-22  testing the waters At this stage, you should be getting you feet wet, having fun. testing out what you like in a guy. Nothing serious, just having fun and practicing in the dating game 22-25 Looking for potentials here you are looking for who may be Mr right, still having fun, but really taking a serious approach as to who will be worth being with in the future. Time varies as you may grow apart or find men not up to par and have to start again 25-29 The tie down You should be in an established relationship by now. Having spent at least 2 or three years seriously. Your families should know you both well, you have traveled together and now making plans to live together and get married 29-34 The union Now you should be married. Having your first set of children, lived int and s

The problem most women have in the dating game is that they are willing to give to much and get nothing in return. Sometimes we have to hold back in order to gain. And I mean holding back the sex, the niceness, the overall attention that many women shower on men constantly. The key thing to remember always is men are hunters by nature. They love the thrill of the hunt. If you give them their meal early, they may hunger for it and gobble it up, but later they will be hungry and ready to eat again. And it will not be the same meal lol. So with that being said, you must make yourself a challenge, stop being so easy. so willing to please. Men will take that kindness for weakness and you will for sure get hurt in the long run. Now, I'm not saying you need to take take take and give nothing in return, but what I'm saying is that you need not give when nothing is being given to  you, and that can take the form of affection, gifts, and whatever you primarily desire. You do not reward

Like I mentioned in my post about toxic friends. A lot of your success in dating is all about the energy you have in your life.  energy  influences you health, your mood and overall success in anything in life. It even goes as deep as you hypnotizing yourself to fail at everything. If you say to yourself "I'm not good, hot, pretty, smart, thin, enough to have a man" there are going to be things that you actually do to make that come to fruition.  Home work assignment: I want you to consciously pay attention to what you think about and say during the day. Can you see how much negative stuff you say? complaining about being on line, how much you hate your co-worker, traffic, missing the bus/train. Take notice if you are ever grateful for the good things that happen in your day and in  your life. "sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" when the truth is that words do hurt. Our body is made up over 60% of water, A researcher b

They cheat, leave us and the kids, lie to get in our pants, hell, they lie about almost everything under the sun. And when the bomb drops on us we are left wondering why? what did we do to deserve such deceit, disrespect and hurt? First of all. It was never you, please know that these men are not men to begin with. But in order to avoid, spot out, or manipulate one of these creatures you must learn how they came to be, who they are and why they are this way. See how their relationship is with their mother let me tell you that men's relationship with with women are based  60%  on how their relationship was with their mother. Males first interaction with females is through their mother, so if she was a whore, he will think all women are whores. If she abandoned him, treated him like shit, he will never trust woman and think all women are evil. I have always asked men I have dated how was their relationship was with their mother. The one that had the worst relationship with hi

One of the core techniques in regulating the game is the "Pair and a Spare" technique. It will be illustrated in detail in my book. But basically its a technique that has been used for ages by men themselves. In order for this to work, one needs to have a thick skin and a strong personality. And if you don't then dammit get one because this will be your sure way of getting the man you desire. We as women have been conditioned to be in a box, we need to be super loyal and super faithful at all times, but do we really win in the end ladies? men have nooo problem leaving you and the kids and totally  having a new life making a new family from scratch. Not saying that you should drop your kids and go with some hottie you met somewhere but no man these days deserves the loyalty that women give. No loyalty till the ring ladies! So back to the numbers game, you need a lot of men in your stable to better narrow down what you want. Yes, this will take some time and effort to acc

Nothing is more fun than talking, spending time with girlfriends. Your girls are the ones that have your back, help you pick the best dress for the date, and more. But look at the whole picture, are they really your friends? I'm sure there are many of you that have friends that have been there since the beginning of time. But for most, There have been friends that have been slowly draining the very life force out of you. Keeping you stagnated from growing and perhaps meeting that Mr. right. There are types and I will break them down for you: The moocher: This friend never has enough money for the lounge. Is always late on a bill and is of need of your financial assistance, They want to borrow your clothes, jewelry, and whatever else you have. And when you do give them something, its like pulling teeth, they don't have the money they owe you, or the dress you lent to them suddenly disappeared. Moochers are always there to get something of  yours, but where are the

I have noticed a disturbing trend that has been going on for some years now. Jealousy. Countless times I have seen a beautiful girl somewhere and then after she leaves someone would roll their eyes or say. "she isn't all that" what really gets my gourd is when someone says someone like Beyonce is not talented or not pretty, when we all know that anyone within a million mile radius would give their left arm to date her. And trust me, even if they say they wouldn't, they are lying lol. One of the reasons women are not doing well in the dating world is because we do not have a sense of comrodery among women. We will make sure we have friends that are  less attractive than us so when we go out so we shine more, we get pissed if guys are hitting on our friend more than us. In some instances, we may even go out with our friends man just to see if we can get him away from her. I remember a guy once told me " women don't dress for themselves, they dress

 Valentines day is the day for love and romance, as the holiday dictates, but to me Valentines day should not be all about sharing with your spouse or boyfriend. It should be about celebrating love period! the purest form of love is unconditional love.  We are so conditioned to believe that the most important love is when its romantic, if you don't have a man that loves you, then you are a loser. When Valentines day comes may people who do not have the so called love of their lives will feel like they are less than. Or feel that they are not worthy of celebrating the day of love. I say to you that YOU are worthy! for those who have children. If you are a good mother, even some times when you are not, children love you. If you were to lose your looks or your job, your children would still love you. They would be there to cheer you up. Your pets love you when you are in rollers, when you ate one bon bon too many, as long as you give them the love they need, they  love you no matter

In order to be in a happy relationship, you need to know when to leave. WTF!?!!?!? I know what you are thinking, but if you are in a happy relationship, you are in one because you know what a bad relationship is, therefore you can contrast good and bad. So whether you are in a relationship now, or looking to be in a relationship. There are signs to look out for so that you know when to go: 1. His time is unaccounted for and you cannot locate where he is 2. Constant arguing 3.you seem to go out of your way to please him 4. what you say or do is never right 5.He doesn't try to be understanding when you tell him your feelings 6.more interested in sex than romance and affection. There are more that I will reveal in my upcoming book........ The thing is that leaving is scary. But the longer you stay in, the harder it will be to go. You have to realize that having peace always is better than you being miserable, take it from me. I was in a bad relationship for years, I ba

 The real truth is that hotness in this society equals power, brains is essential. But the  badder you are in the game the more power you have over men, and in turn more power for yourself. I laugh at the dove commercial This campaign flopped. Lets be real, no customer would want to buy soap if they thought they would look ordinary. Although in a perfect world it would be nice if we could look like anything and be appreciated, but I'm not here to lie to you like the media does. I'm here to tell you real life, and in this life you better be hot to get the things you want and need in life. Lets look at Kim.k. Really look at her. What the hell does she do for a living????? could you even say? well, nothing, yet she has shows about her and is on so many magazine covers and perfume lines dedicated to her. There are even some salons that give you the "Kimmy" special which is a dark dye job, tan, and seaweed wrap that is supposed to give you that a "heftier" b

I love how the media (specifically the hip hop media) drummed up this notion that a woman that wants security, and maybe a occasional acknowledgment of her love and devotion is a gold digger. Now I'm not saying that goldiggers don't exist, they do. however, women who just want a decent guy with a job are getting lumped in this category, and women are being brainwashed to feel bad that they should want a man that has his own and is willing to support and share the fruits of his labor. Songs like "shes got her own" by Neo is praised as such a great song but when "bills, bills, bills" came out from the now defunct Destiny Child. its was labeled  a goldigger  anthem  when if you listen to the lyrics she was really complaining about how he was using her: And now you ask to use my car Drive it all day and don't fill up the tank And you have the audacity To even come and step to me And ask to hold some money from me Until you get your check next week