When words hurt, what do you do?

We have all been insulted, put down at one point of our lives. But what is the effect when its someone very close to you? a partner is supposed to be a person that supports your dreams and eases your fears, bring you up when you feel down and such.  With physical abuse, you can see the pain. The deeper the bruises, the harder the pain that was inflicted, but verbal abuse is much more violent and hurtful. How is that you ask? because the mentally pain last much longer, from months to years and it can slowly tear apart at your psyche. Is more hurtful because it cannot be seen by the naked eye, therefore its less likely to be remedied. And once the soul is hurt, everything crumbles.

How do you know verbal abuse from criticism? because after someone give you a critique you should not feel worse than you started. Verbal abuse makes you feel low, useless, ugly, dumb and all the negative things one can imagine. the verbal abuser makes you feel like a child and they act as if they are the authority and they are smarter, and better than you. Take note that verbal abuse is much like physical abuse in its approach. It may start with a slight comment and eventually escalate to a constant abuse coupled with an apology at the end. it may sound something like this:

 

" your clothes aren't right, you are too fat for that"

"you wear too much  makeup"

"how could you possibly know about that, your not that smart"

"you should be glad I'm with your ass! nobody would want you!"

"you always up in some guys face, you are a slut!"

"you are always with  your girlfriends. I don't believe you bitch, you are cheating"

"Do you really think you can afford to eat another bite! you are a greedy bitch!"

These are just some of the words you might hear from a verbally abusive man. If one hears things like this repeatedly, you might just believe it. That is when the verbal abuser has you, and its hard to get away because you end up trusting what they say. It can be hard to leave this verbal abuser because you feel you are not good enough for anyone or anybody but you have to slowly climb out of the low esteem hole that  you have been put in.

First,  you must tell yourself that you are worth it. You must not believe that this person knows what they are talking about. Look at their life, are they the most successful? are they the hottest, more well known person? do they have the move lucrative job? NO! usually a verbal abuser is no better off than the next person. They actually abuse verbally because THEY hate themselves and they need to stomp on others to feel better. Every time you get abused by this person you have to tell yourself this. Secondly, know that YOU NEED TO END THIS RELATIONSHIP RIGHT AWAY!!!!! this person is not enriching your life, they are hindering it. If you are getting fat, a person that loves you would go to the gym with you, cook you a healthy dinner not call you fat. A person that loves you would not want to hurt you, but help you. A verbal abuser can make you feel hopeless to the point of driving you to depression and that is a hole that is hard to get out of without the proper help.

Please know that a verbal abuser is powerless without you. They need YOU in their lives to make them feel like they are better, they need someone to spit on to make them feel powerful. So when you dump them they might react in a hateful way or do a 360 and try to be nice DON'T FALL FOR THE TRAP. if they were not nice before, they will never be nice. They just want to keep you in their self destructive cycle.

My dear please know that:

Love never makes you cry, unless its tears of joy,

Love makes you feel like you are on top of the world not at the bottom of a barrel

Love feels cozy like a blanket, not cold.

Love makes you feel like  you can do anything, not make you do anything to keep him/her

And if love doesn't make you feel this way. Sorry, it isn't love and you need to dump that zero and get a hero!

you are  strong person even before you were born, you know why? over a million sperm fought to get to your moms egg and YOU YOU YOU beat them all! you fought to get here and you are here! and you came to this precious earth for a reason, so make the most of your life! and if someone is going to say hurtful things to you. its because they are scared of you, scared that may  you may be greater than they are and they should be scared, because YOU are truly one of a kind and you are bound for greatness, know this and believe this everyday!